The Worst Day of My Life
The night before the day it happened
We cried. We knew it was time
So we gave her her favorite things
Soft food and bones and cookie
Pet and hugs and kisses
We had a mattress in the dining room
Because she couldn’t get up the stairs any more
Even though I could carry her up
Coming down caused her much anxiety
So we slept with her downstairs
On that morning there were more tears
I hadn’t cried for my grandfather
The inspiration for my entire professional life
Or for a friend who killed himself with no explanation
But for her I held nothing back
It was a short drive there
Less than half a mile door to door
But I made it last as long as I could
I didn’t want to make this trip
As necessary as it was
We waited until the last possible minute
Before I carried her inside
They all knew her, loved her
But not like we did; not like I did
I held her in my lap until they called us
In a small room. On a white tile floor. On a soft blue blanket
I sat her down and she laid down on the blanket
She was ready. I knew it but I wasn’t
I didn’t want to see her go
But it was time to let go
As she drifted away I held her
Her last sleep was in my arms
I’ll never forget her fur against my face
The soft whisper of her last breath
As she said goodbye to me
And I to her
